You mean to tell me my entire childhood I was lied to. What's next, Santa Claus isn't real?

The Internet is spectacular at ruining our childhood memories, and this is no exception.  The latest revelation?  Cap'n Crunch isn't really a captain. Someone noticed that the Cap'n only has three stripes on his sleeves, not four.  Three stripes on the sleeve mean you're a commander in the U.S. Navy, not a captain. Four stripes mean you're a captain.

There's some speculation that he was modeled after a French naval captain, which is called a capitaine de frégate, who would only have three stripes. Why would Cap'n Crunch be French? So coming soon kids Commander Crunch with berries. Does not have the same ring to it.