J-si’s Blog: Close Encounters of the Old Kind
You know what I love to do? Talking to my elders. Sure, some do tend to talk on and on if given the chance, but they have some of the best stories ever. Yesterday, I realized something. Nothing will get in the way of telling whatever story they are getting into. I was out running some errands, and stopped by a deli to grab a sandwich. I ended up sitting down next to a lady, who was around 80 years old. She had a cute hat on, so I complemented her on it, which led to a conversation. It was not your typical conversation. The topic was normal. She asked my about myself, so I told her I was married (just in case she was a sabertooth tiger) and had a baby, and one on the way. She started telling me about how her marriage was the most wonderful thing in the world. Funny how people in their 70s and 80s lasted in their marriages, while I know many people my age with one or two divorces under their belt.
Anyways, as she injecting my brain with wisdom, and tips for a happy marriage, something happened. I have heard of it happening, but had never witnessed it first hand. About 2 minutes into her conversation, how do I say this… ummm… she passed gas… loudly. Here is what did not happen: any sort of acknowledgment, about what had just happened, from her. In fact, she talked right over it, and through it. I seriously started wondering if I was on some sort of hidden camera TV show. After the first gas grenade, she continued talking for another couple of minutes, and another loud one came out. Again, she was not phased. I kept my cool externally, but internally… I was laughing hysterically. I could have turned into the kind of laughing where you almost vomit because you can’t breathe.
If you asked me to tell you what she said after this went down, I would not be able to tell you. All I could concentrate on was not laughing. I had no idea if she knew what was happening with her body. Just as I thought it would not happen again… it did. What she was doing was now a skill! Not acknowledging something that would turn most people’s face into a bomb of redness is legit. She finished her story, the conversation stopped, and we started eating. She finished her ice tea, said goodbye, and as she was standing up… she left me with another loud gift.
I can’t wait to reach the “I don’t care about my bodily function in public” phase! But part of me still thinks she was on a hidden camera show. Nobody came up to me to ask me if they could not blur my face on TV, so I will assume this lady was for reals, and gassy. Lovely lady, though!