Routinely my days are spent reviewing the finer things in life. An Oscar-nominated motion-picture here. A literary masterpiece of the English language there. Yet, sometimes, one tires of all the pomp and circumstance. One craves to feel...oh, how do you say...ah yes...dirty. And that is when one turns to Ke$ha.

The following is a real-time account first viewing of Ke$ha's new music video 'Dirty Love'.


0:17 -- Creepiest. Mannequin. Ever.

Kesha Dirty Love Video -17 sec.

0:24 -- Ke$ha is just about a year younger than me. And although we share different tastes in music, style and beverages, this clips reassures me we will always be kindred spirits.

Kesha-Matt

0:36 -- Is it just me or does it feel like she's phoning it in on some of these stripper moves? Which one is this? Sexy elephant impersonation? Sexy toe touch? Downward-facing hooker.

Kesha Dirty Love Video - 36 Sec.

0:41 -- The production quality and character acting in this music video are both excellent. I can't tell whether I'm watching a low-budget burlesque show shot in someone's basement or the opening scene from a Law & Order: SVU episode. Either way I feel like this won't end up well for the gyrating stripper.

Kesha Dirty Love Video Acting/Quality

0:55 -- As a veteran viewer of the WWE for many years, you can't fool me. She's really struggling to tear off that shirt. Hulk Hogan fail.

Kesha Dirty Love Video-55 Sec

1:24 -- The easy joke here is you can't tell which one is the prettiest. But let's not kid ourselves. It's the guy on the left.

Kesha Dirty Love Video

1:44 -- I'm also a veteran of seeing edited for TV movies on basic cable. And once again you can't fool me, Ke$ha. You've digitally erased your nipples. Well played.

Kesha Dirty Love Video 1 min 44 sec

1:55 -- Let's break down a few lyrics, shall we: "Don't wan't your fancy things/ champagne tastes like piss to me/ keep your leopard limousine/ I just wan't your f-ing filthy love."

First, Ke$ha I know you're the expert on the subject, but you might want to consider that you're actually drinking piss. It's probably confusing having all the bottles of champagne and pee so close together at your gatherings, I'm sure. Also, I assure you limos come in other colors besides leopard. The black ones stick out a lot less when you're trying to have a low-key night of...well...whatever illicit activities you do on a low-key night. Also, I think Ke$ha just overdosed on glitter and forgot the name of her song wasn't filthy love.

Kesha Dirty Love Video Champagne tastes like piss

2:44 -- Again. Character acting at its finest. Buffalo Bill from 'Silence of the Lambs'. (Creepy voice) It puts the lotion on its skin. Am I right? Bravo!

Kesha Dirty Love Video 2 min 44 sec

3:19 -- As if things couldn't get any classier, Ke$ha treats us to a day in the life of her gynecologist. What that man did in a past life to deserve that fate is beyond unthinkable. May god have mercy on your soul, sir.

Kesha Dirty Love Video End

Again, well played, madam. You've left me feeling very, very dirty. And in great need of a shower. And possibly therapy.

NEXT:

Kesha Recalls the Time She Electrocuted Her Ladyparts [VIDEO]