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The Clueless Man – I’m Not Hating, I’m Just Trying To Understand.

(Photo: Getty Images)

  OK, ladies, help a brother out!  After the jump is a list of things that most of you do that I just don’t get….  In the comments section, please let me know why…  Thanks in advance, and don’t shoot the messenger.

What does our zodiac sign have to do with anything? If the sun, moon and stars have so much control over our compatibility, I wonder what a bowl of Lucky Charms can do. Got milk?

Why do you need so many pillows? Unless there’s a surprise ummm…. group get-together scheduled for later, I don’t see the need for 20 “decorative” pillows on the bed.

Why are greeting cards so important? It may have taken you hours to select the perfect card with just the right message, but it’ll take me five seconds to toss it in the recycling bin.  Also, I have never spent more than 5 minutes to pick out a card, and they have always gotten the proper responses from the significant others.

Who needs candles when we have electricity? If you’re looking for low lighting, the glare from the TV as I’m playing Madden should suffice. If it’s the pretty flame that fascinates you, feel free to utilize the one on the stove to make mea grill cheese sandwich…. JUST KIDDING!

Why do you need to post everything on Facebook?I have a hard time smiling for pictures and I definitely don’t spend hours in the mirror practicing our pose, but apparently you girls do and build digital shrines to yourselves.

Why do you like bubble baths so much? When it comes to bathroom activities, I enjoy standing as much as possible, so give me a shower (and a urinal) any day.  The bubbles don’t help either.

Is that a purse or a suitcase? The good thing about a home is it provides a great place to store all your stuff. There’s no need to lug a week’s worth of items around in a bag that’s bigger than most small dogs. When I go out, I only carry what I need in a lovely invention known as the pocket. We’re sure you’ve heard of it.

Is crying the answer for every emotion? You cry when you’re sad. You cry when you’re mad. You even cry when you’re happy. I just don’t, unless it’s Rudy or some other sports related Tear-Jerker. It’s less confusing that way.

If you don’t like her then why is she your “friend”? I  just don’t get why y’all hang out with someone on a regular basis and then talk smack about her behind her back. I don’t like catty, but be sure to call me if there’s a catfight. 


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