It's rare to truly capture the feelings of life altering experiences. A first kiss. Seeing a child take his or her first steps. Holding back tears and girlish whimpers after watching The O.C. season one finale. (Don't judge me). Well, no more.

Here is a real-time documentation of my first viewing of this latest cultural work of art -- the music video for Mike WiLL Made-It's "23" ft. Miley Cyrus, Wiz Khalifa & Juicy J.

0:01 -- Apparently we're at a school. It's weird how all school buildings look the same. From what I can tell, this video was shot either somewhere in Chicago or at Wichita Falls High.

0:05 -- Ghostly basketball eerily bouncing down a set of stairs. I feel like this is a recycled clip from an old episode of Goosebumps.

0:15 -- NOOOOOOOOOO befuddled, white, stuffy principal!!! Don't go investigate the ghost basketball!!! Seriously, does no one watch scary movies anymore? Authority figures -- especially the befuddled, white, stuffy variety -- never last long.

0:19 -- Andddddd he's probably dead now. Or at least no longer employed by the generic school district. Either way, Mike WiLL is making himself at home in his new office.

0:36 -- Our first glimpse of our Queen, Ghetto Fab Miley. Walking into literally the cleanest school bathroom I've ever seen. There are restrooms in Tidy Bowl commercials that don't sparkle like this one. I guess everything is better on planet Miley.


0:50 -- #23. So I'm assuming this song is either a tribute to Michael Jordan or that one Jim Carrey movie I never saw ... along with everybody else in the world.

1:04 -- Miley's rapping. Got to throw some shade at ya, girlie. Natalie was better (NSFW).

1:19 -- The revelation is made clear. It's a rap song about sneakers. Go figure. Side note: I've owned one pair of Air Jordans in my life. My parents paid $100+ for them as a present for my ninth birthday. Here's the big secret the referee-shirt guys don't tell you. You still suck at basketball. A lot. No matter what shoes you wear.

1:50 -- Hannah Montana just dropped the F-bomb. Scandalous clothes. Provocative dancing. I can tolerate such things. But blatant vulgarities are it, missy. See you in the next room for detention. Where apparently Juicy J is about to fornicate in with some random video vixen.

2:18 -- Where did he get those polka dot shorts? And do they come in a 32 waist? I need them...for a friend.


2:44 -- I'm sure Wiz has dealt with his fair share of chemical substances, but I'd still like to see his credentials to handle such hazardous and bubbly concoctions.


3:17 -- And so is the original principal. As in the one not decked out in Bulls gear and sippin "purp" from a coffee mug at 8:30 a.m.

4:16 -- Juicy J stopped getting busy long enough to spit a line about oral sex and a blow dryer. If I gave you three chances and the rest of your life, could you make a better simile? Didn't think so. Masterpiece.

4:41 -- This entire track has revolved around walking around in a club while impaired and wearing sunglasses. Which to me sounds like a really dangerous thing to advocate to our youths. It's already so dark in those places. You could bump into something and spill your purp.

5:00 -- Cockeyed Miley wink. Tongue sticking out. Cut to credits. Nothing especially groundbreaking here. Still, it's a catchy tune. One I will probably be drunkenly reciting all of Miley's verses to at an upcoming Halloween party near you. A fact neither you nor I am excitedly looking forward to. Sorry.


About the author: Matt Ledesma is a millennial pop-culturist with access to an iPad. A former professional journalist, now amateur interweb blogger with no significant change in salary. When not presenting baseless opinions as facts, Matt enjoys the Dallas Cowboys, reading comic books and amassing the most formidable Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle collection in North Texas.