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Top Signs You’re a Bad Mother

Mommie Dearest
Paramount Pictures

Mother’s Day is Sunday, and for most people their mother is a symbol of all that’s good in their life. However,their are some bad mothers out there.  Make sure you’re not one of them by checking out these “Top Signs You’re a bad Mother”!

1. You formula-fed your newborn so you could save your breast milk for White Russians.

2. You missed your kid’s tee ball games because he sucks.  In other words, you were honest.

3. To make sure he’d be the coolest kid in kindergarten, you taught him to smoke.

4. When your kid asks who her daddy is, you point at the NBA game on TV and say, “One of them.”

5. When you were younger, your pregnancy was the subject of an MTV reality show.

6. You’re lazy, worthless and never worked a day in your life.  Just like Ann Romney.

7. Your kids didn’t get you anything for Mother’s Day because you forgot to let them out of their cages.

8. You hog all the UV light in the tanning booth.

9. You home-schooled your kids in math by making them count up the singles after your shifts at the     strip club.

10. You’ve been reduced to shooting porno to support your 14 kids.

11. You’re furious that your kids’ summer reading list once again omitted “Mein Kampf”.

12. You buy all your kids’ school supplies with Marlboro Miles.

13. The only time you punish the kids is when they make you a gin and tonic when you asked for a gin fizz.

14. You’re on the cover of “Time” magazine breastfeeding your three-year-old son.

15. You go into your daughter’s bathroom and hang ads for Jenny Craig and lap-band surgery.

16. You discover that letting your children smoke curbs their appetite and saves you from having to cook.

17. You tell your daughter you don’t want her to think it’s her fault you’re getting a divorce.  Because it’s completely her brother’s fault.

18. When your son asks why he has seven toes, you reply, “Got me.  Maybe you should ask your daddy-uncle.”

19. Your kids are being bullied.  And they’re home schooled.

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