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With The Heidi Klum-Seal Split, Hope Is Lost For Ugly Guys

Heidi Klum And Seal Celebrate Halloween Time At Disneyland
Heidi Klum And Seal Celebrate Halloween Time At Disneyland (photo by Paul Hiffmeyer/Disneyland via Getty Images)

Not since Billy Joel hooked up with Christie Brinkley has one man out-kicked his coverage like the 90′s music star Seal.  Now, with the break-up of Heidi Klum and Seal from their 7+ year marriage, the ugly guy is without hope. He is without a hero and must face the sad reality that, unlike Lloyd in Dumb and Dumber… no, there isn’t a chance.

I imagine that in both cases, the inevitable break-up went down something like this, no matter what has been and will be reported… The hot wife is in bed with the ogre-like husband one morning.  She wakes up, rolls over, looks at him and suddenly has an epiphany.  “OMG, my husband fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down! What is wrong with me? I could have a virtual army of hot looking, successful men catering to my every fantasy and I’m WITH THIS????????  WTF… Get me OUTTA HERE!” Or something to that effect.

Believe it or not, there is even a Biblical passage about that sort of thing.  Something about being “unevenly Yoked”.  It’s in there, trust me, I’m just too lazy to look it up.

Also, you know that you have thought, “How can SHE be with HIM??” Not in a good way, either.

Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley
Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley (Photo by Diane Freed / Liaison Agency)

Imagine how many times that awkward situation has come up on couples dates, dinner parties, trips to the store and anywhere else. It can’t be fun for the woman in the relationship to CONSTANTLY realize that “Holy Crap, people think I’m CRAZY!” All because her husband, compared to her, looks like Attila The Hun.

Believe me, the fact that Seal or Billy could pull in such gorgeous specimens of womanhood is not lost on us average looking, or dare I say it, ugly guys.  There was a chance.  Who will step up now?  Seth Rogen? Steve Buscemi? Chad Kreoger? Hell, someone needs to.  Or else ugly guys might have to finally… gasp… admit that they’re ugly.

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