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Top 16 Surprises in ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’

The Amazing Spider Man
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We’re not sure how many times the same movie can be re-done, but nevertheless yet another Spider-Man movie hits the big screen tomorrow (July 3rd).  The latest Spider-Man movie looks pretty exciting, but it also has some surprising plot twists, as you ‘ll see here in our list of the top 16 surprises in ‘The Amazing Spider-Man.’

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1. You’ll pay to see it even though the same movie came out a decade ago.

2. At school, Mitt Romney bullies Peter Parker over his gay haircut.

3. While patrolling New York City, Spider-Man never once uses his web to permanently seal Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s mouth.

4. Unlike previous “Spider-Man” films, Peter Parker ISN’T played by a lady-boy.

5. The spider that bites Peter Parker isn’t radioactive . . . it’s high on bath salts.

6. Spider-Man’s called “amazing” because he spends all those late nights in New York City and never once gets stabbed.

7. Spider-Man may fight The Lizard, but as a newspaper photojournalist in New York City, Peter Parker’s arch-nemesis is Alec Baldwin.

8. Spider-Man thinks nothing of a 7-foot-tall Lizard walking around the city . . . until he sees it in a hoodie.

9. You’re not going to believe this, but in one scene Emma Stone looks a little bit pasty.

10. Peter Parker’s “Spidey sense” isn’t quite highly developed enough to detect Denis Leary’s inability to act his way out of a paper bag.

11. The climactic scene features Spider-Man and The Lizard settling their differences with a homoerotic pillow fight.

12. Despite the film being shot in 3-D, the characters remain as one-dimensional as ever.

13. It’s easier to follow a plot when Kirsten Dunst’s jacked-up grill doesn’t distract you.

14. The special effects are amazing.  Especially when they make the U.S. look like it has a happy, stable economy.

15. Um . . . I don’t know.  Sorry, I went to see Magic Mike instead.

16. He’s the one who got Adele pregnant.

 

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