Wichita Falls Cyclist Pens Scathing Open Letter to Person Who Threw Stuff at Him
Dear driver of the ugly white Jeep on Kemp South near Highway 79 this morning, Texas is ashamed of you.
I’m sorry my morning bicycle ride interrupted your drive, but there really was no reason to have your passenger throw something at me.
In fact, he was a pretty poor shot considering you had to move all the way over out of your lane and into mine, getting within a foot and a half, and even then he barely hit me in the arm. He might want to have his eyes examined. I don’t think he sees well.
And what was that stuff you threw? It looked a lot like pumpkin innards or baby food but I really couldn’t tell. Seriously, is that something you normally keep in your vehicle? If so, I hope your shots are up to date. But then, considering the appearance of what used to be a nice Jeep, I rather doubt it. I’ve seen straighter left front quarter panels at the end of demolition derbies. How many times did it take before you finally passed Driver’s Ed? It may be time for some remedial courses.
If you’re upset that cyclists are riding on the roads you pay taxes for, just remember that we pay the same taxes. In fact, my taxes probably send your unfortunate children to school. That’s actually a troubling thought, you bringing children into the world. I feel sorry for them considering the role model you’re setting.
In closing, Mr. ugly white Jeep driver, you are an embarrassment to the great state of Texas. Your vehicle presents the appearance of someone who drives by the braille method and your friend has a lousy throwing arm and couldn’t hit a man sized target from less than two feet away. Perhaps you should consider relocating to New Hampshire; I hear their standards are lower.
I’d stay and chat longer, but Mr. Colt, Mr. Smith, Mr. Wesson and I have a meeting scheduled at the gun range. Be seein’ ya.
-- A Wichita Falls, Texas cyclist.
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