We interrupt whatever you are doing to bring you this monumentally important piece of information: you can stop your farts from smelling.

Sure, that sounds like fan-gastic news, but there is a catch.

Before we get to that catch, though, let's put on our dietician caps to learn more about breaking wind and what exactly it is. As New Scientist points out in an eye-opening and nose-holding article:

Farts are mostly composed of odourless gases. There is oxygen and nitrogen from swallowed air, while hydrogen, methane and carbon dioxide are produced when bacteria in the large intestine ferment the carbohydrates we eat. The distinctive rotten-egg whiff is caused by traces of hydrogen sulphide, which gut bacteria are known to produce from protein."

“This explains why bodybuilders who consume lots of protein powder are known to have smelly farts,” says one researcher. Note: cancel your gym membership. Now.

The bottom line to make our farts less deadly than an actual stink bomb? Cut down on protein. Researchers who studied this issue -- and doesn't that assignment, ahem, stink? (yeah, we went there, again) -- reached  this conclusion after they looked at the fecal matter of seven healthy people (and please don't poo poo their work). It also disproves the popular notion that people with smelly farts should cut back on fiber.

So, what should we eat? Well, that brings us back to that catch. While there are foods that can make your emissions smell less like they were sponsored by Exxon, they're not exactly ones that you're gonna find at a tailgate.

  • Potatoes
  • Bananas
  • Legumes
  • Cereals
  • Wheat
  • Artichokes
  • Asparagus

Not gonna lie -- these aren't fun foods. Come get us when this list is comprised of pizza, ice cream, beer and dreams and then we'll be more enthusiastic. And the fact asparagus makes the list is ironic, considering anyone who eats that has urine that smells like they've just enjoyed a week's stay in a Dumpster timeshare.

Now, if you'll excuse us, there's some research that needs to be done to prove that whoever smelt did indeed deal it.

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