Nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING has kicked my ass more than these wings.

So over the weekend, I decided to travel to Santa Clara to support the Dallas Cowboys in the playoffs. Fun fact, don't fly into San Francisco when you go to a San Francisco 49ers game, fly into San Jose. People give s*** to the Dallas Cowboys for playing in Arlington, but at least you still fly into the Dallas airport.

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Anyway, when I'm on the road. I like to partake in food challenges. I did one in Tampa last week that I absolutely crushed. I looked up Santa Clara and saw two food challenges. One was a five pound burrito and the other was twelve spicy wings. I was thinking twelve wings, piece of cake, I got this. WRONG I WAS,SO F***ING WRONG!

^I have said for years the spiciest thing I have ever eaten is the Psycho Burger at Willie's Place. Guys, I would rather eat the psycho burger at Willie's Place every day for lunch than eat ONE of these wings I had over the weekend. Allow me to introduce you to Smoke Eaters in Santa Clara.

The Hellfire Challenge.

Twelve wings, no napkins, no drinks, 30 minutes, and when you're done you have to sit there for five minutes. If you watch the video, I started out strong thinking I could do this. The bartender told me, the most he had ever seen someone eat is TWO wings. I ate two no problem...then I hit wing four.

At this point, the chicken hit a part of my body that was putting a stop to this. I don't know what happened, but my body said quit this s*** now! I froze, this has legit never happened to me before. I was not full, but I could not eat anymore of this. The sauce was so thick the only way I can describe it is a Play Doh like substance wrapped around every wing.


I quit after 4.5 wings and started chugging water to subdue my stomach pain. I must have drank 3 big glasses of water, plus a couple of beers. I then decided to leave to make my way back to my motel. I walked to this place by the way, it was 1.5 miles from my hotel. Easy walk, you cut through a college campus. That walk home was NOT easy. I had to stop every fifty feet to catch my breath.

If that college campus has security camera footage of me on Saturday, I 100% look like I am strung out on some kind of drug. I literally laid down in parking space to collect myself at one point. I called a Lyft to get me back to my room and made up some bulls*** about my knee hurting for the ride.

Back in the Hotel

Then in my hotel room, the fun did not end. From 1 PM to midnight these wings are kicking my ass. Every 30 minutes I had to collect myself from intense stomach pain. I had to standup straight and breathe heavily to prevent from passing out. I swear to God this all happened. At 4PM, I really debated going to a hospital. I didn't want to be like one of those guys that eats too many edibles and is 'too high' thinking they're going to die.

I toughed it out and just dealt with this extreme stomach pain. I tried to puke, but only saliva was coming up. It was the worst experience of my life. I would take me breaking every bone I have ever broken at the same time compared to his internal s***. This went on for hours. Then finally around midnight, my body was finally able to help me get this poison out.

I puked it up and yes it did hurt as much coming back up. I never felt more relieved in my life. I can tell you for a fact, nothing has brought me more joy in life than that moment there. That pain being gone was a weight off my shoulders. So if you're ever in Santa Clara, avoid the Smoke Eaters challenge at all costs. It will 100% ruin your trip. I definitely got my money's worth out of my hotel room on Saturday night though.

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